dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
