I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
