There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
