When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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