dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
