So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
