She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
