You just made me feel so damn special
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
