I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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