I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
