he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
