Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
