the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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