you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
