ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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