I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
