just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
