I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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