whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
