you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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