I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
