I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
