Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
