so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
