I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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