I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
