Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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