i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
