She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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