okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize
