evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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