I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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