so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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