I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
