you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
