i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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