too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
