Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
