one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
