the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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