if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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