Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
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