I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
