Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
