everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
