I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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