I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
