i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
