Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
