my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
