I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
They have beer where we have blood.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just gargled with NyQuil
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
