So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
