i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
