as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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